My (not so..) 2019

My 2019.

Hello, it’s been a very long while since my last update here. I was still contemplating whether I should post this here but maybe this is the only place I can put this long one. 

The year 2019 wasn’t that kind to me. It made me experience things I hardly imagined. Actually, it might be worse than the previous year, 2018.

Let’s tackle a few.

First, my workstation broke, which meant I didn’t have anything to use for work or entertainment. It’s particularly hard on me since I don’t have the funds for the repairs. This went on for several months that eventually it wasn’t my priority anymore. Why?

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This brings up the second thing. I got an iPad. This means I have an alternative device to do work and personal things. It’s basically a computer replacement. I treated it that way. And it actually served its purpose for that. Really really thankful for that and for my supportive family for this one. If I don’t have it, I won’t be able to get back on doing work again. And starting to save up again after a very long series of funks.

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With the situation of my computer came with some challenges especially on platforms I was trying to make a presence on. First, I can’t do streaming anymore, which obviously needed a PC. I also can’t access any files on my previous work so that basically means, I am back to scratch on doing art related stuff. It really is on a downward spiral.

Speaking of downward spiral, here comes a more “personal” stuff. I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder alongside anxiety. Initially it was dysthymia, but it got worse. I won’t go over the details, but it’s severe that it’s affecting my daily activities, self-esteem, cognitive aspect, and is severe enough to go on medication and therapy. I am in the process of recovering, I can’t completely say I can eventually live without it, since it’s engraved in my brain now. It’s permanent. It’s hard living with mental illness. The daily struggles and battles within are very draining. That’s just one part of it. And also, another difficult thing with this is the stigma surrounding mental illness. I hope more people are open and aware about it just like as they treat other sickness. 

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It changed my overall perspective. It changed my lifestyle. It changed who I am as a whole. And it’s not for the better. It’s really really dark. But rest assured, I am working on it. Aren’t we all? Also one of the reasons for the lack of art pieces in my accounts. And yes, again, I’m working on it. Even a little patience and understanding can help a lot. 

With the journey to a better mental health, I turned my page of Potato Feels into some form of visual journal — which I haven’t disclosed yet until now. It’s a visual journal of what I am experiencing, what I am struggling. What is going on inside my dangerous mind and so on. There are inspiring posts, but since it’s a personal journey, I assure you there are some relatable entries out there too. You can check the page on Instagram if you’re curious about it.

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Regarding platforms and projects, I decided that Patreon isn’t for me. I tried making a page, promoting it, but I think that will only work if you have a very loyal fan base – which I don’t have. I have viewers though. So I’ll be stepping away from it. But on the other side, I might give KoFi a try. It’s more casual and simple enough for anyone. 

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Career wise, I can’t say there are upcoming large plans. But I have a few, one is establishing my KoFi page, and opening up commissions again. Also, there are ideation of an online store. I’ll give it a few more thoughts. But that’s all.

This is also posted in my KoFi page, if you want to read it over there.

And to you reading this, I hope you had a good 2019 though. Better than mine I hope.

Have a good day ahead!

 

 

 

 

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